Handling the Delicacies
by Iggy K
Summary: Captain Louie, food connoisseur, uses his cooking ability to prepare a rather inedible delight.


**Handling the Delicacies**

_by Iggy K_

**---**

Captain Louie, sidekick of the serious and very studiousCaptain Olimar, would like to eat now. Gathering his Pikmin army – he enjoys incorporating all five colours when he makes his rounds each day – Louie heads off to make a major kill.

Why would he delight in this mindless, destructive violence? Perhaps he hasn't made it a well known fact, but Louie enjoys creating meals of the many dead bodies the Pikmin amass for him. Every day, he is seen scribbling some recipe or other in his notebook, much to the grievance of Olimar, who would much rather be writing down his extensive research instead.

But Louie isn't completely useless; he is adept at handling Pikmin, though of course Olimar is probably much better. He whistles briefly, stopping the Pikmin in their tracks. The once vibrant creatures lose their glow, paling somewhat as they separate into their colour-oriented groups. Selecting the twenty Purples in his army, the Captain sets off to attack the Mamuta that lies ahead.

The Purples pound into the rocklike creature, screaming war cries and such. The ones with flowers attack vigorously; the Pikmin with only leaves atop their heads have a little more trouble. He reminds himself to feed them nectar later.

The Mamuta falls after a few energetic blows, its lifeless body making Louie's stomach constrict in hunger. He breathes in deeply, inhaling the carbon dioxide his spacesuit provides him with in giddy excitement. It is time to make use of his culinary skills. Signaling to his Pikmin army, Louie commands them to pick up the colossal creature and carry it back to the ship. He smiles, elated. What will it taste like? he wonders.

Louie longs to taste the Pikmin as well, but Olimar forbade him to do so. And perhaps it is for the best, as they have helped him to bring countless meals to the table… Sometimes Olimar gets frustrated with Louie; he tells him that the Pikmin need the creatures more than he does –the Onions need the carcasses in order to produce more Pikmin. Besides, they still have rations from Hocotate, don't they? Of course Louie knows this; he is not moronic. But he would like to make the most of this trip. Louie doesn't know if he'll ever return, or if he would even want to.

So far he's tasted many things; huge morsels of things – like Breadbugs and Candypop Buds – he'll use some of that Purple Candypop oil later on the Mamuta, he thinks, his mind in a whirl of culinary ideas. Louie's feasted on huge, wet, Water Wraiths; he's sampled Sheargrubs – quite tasty, actually… But never before has he attempted to cook something so… _unlike_ anything edible. He knows that some things did prove to be inedible, but he cheerfully waves that off. Louie _knows _that he'll be able to eat this.

The Pikmin drop the Mamuta off, just in front of the ship, and in a whirl of smiles, Louie dismisses his Pikmin, all one hundred of them still alive to see another day. He orders them to go back to their appropriate onions – that is, the Red, Yellow, and Blue; the other forty Pikmin follow him into the ship to go to their headquarters.

And now it is time to start cooking. With a squeal of glee, Louie begins making preparations. Soon he shall finally able to feast on his nightly meal.

The young Captain runs into the ship to quickly grab a few spices and oils. He has no idea as to what he should do, but he is determined to eat the Mamuta tonight. And he _will _enjoy it.

Louie has always enjoyed his food, especially golden Pikpik carrots. He winces slightly as he remembers eating an entire shipment of them – worth ten thousand Pokos! But though he feels slightly shameful about forcing his company into debt, he cannot really blame himself for eating them. Pikpik carrots are a well-loved food on his planet, and the people of Hocotate delight in them. And these Pikpik carrots were truly delectable.

He also takes a certain relish in crunching on the bugs that he and his Pikmin defeat – after all, revenge is always sweet, and he will never forgive the insects for capturing him as a child. But tonight, he will enjoy feasting on a Mamuta.

Louie grimaces at its unsightly mud-caked form, and resignedly calls a troupe of thirty Blue Pikmin to help him pull the Mamuta into the water for a quick rinse. It won't be completely cleaned off, but it's the best he can do.

As the Pikmin bring the Mamuta back to Louie's chosen cooking site, he sighs and decides that he can finally get to his cooking.

He seasons it lightly, carefully pouring a small container of his precious Candypop Bud oil onto the carcass, which is lightly dribbling water down its sides.

Louie rubs in his spices and oils, occasionally running over to the ship to summon Purple Pikmin to help him flip the body over. He briefly wonders if this rocklike being is even edible. Shaking his head, he returns to his spices and oils. After he decides that the lavish coatings are sufficient enough, he wraps his mind around figuring out a way of getting the Mamuta to cook.

An idea comes to mind… he'll cook it over a fireThis is an excellent proposition, Louie nods. But how will he accomplish this? He wracks his mind… how did he manage to cook the Breadbug? With a slight shudder, the bland taste of the creature lands on his tongue suddenly; it had seemed to suck the flavour out of his spices. The Breadbug had been a waste of time and culinary effort, but with a shrug, he supposes he's learned _something_.

Olimar walks by, leading his troupe of Purples and Whites into the ship. The more experienced Captain frowns with a sigh, asking him if he's up to his cooking again.

The younger Captain nods eagerly. Of course he's cooking! Olimar almost explodes; he doesn't see any reason to prevent the Onions from producing more Pikmin by eating the carcasses. With a little lecture, Olimar sets off to prepare his own meal.

Louie shakes his head sorrowfully. Olimar doesn't know what he's missing, but perhaps this ignorance is for the best. _He_ can have those bland white Pikpik carrots, for all he cares!

With a resolute little shudder, Louie once again enlists thirty Pikmin – though this time, they're Reds. He's learned this trick through one of Olimar's lectures, and it's come in useful at times, he has to admit.

It's merely rubbing a piece of wood against another piece. It _should_ be fairly simple.

He manages to get fifteen Reds on each piece of wood – they're in the Awakening Wood, after all, so finding wood hasn't taken up too much time. Now Louie instructs them to rub the wood pieces against each other.

Now it's safe to just wait. The Mamuta is lying there, a few steps away. It's as clean as possible, with spices and oils marinating it lightly. Louie can practically taste it, though his space helmet makes eating outside impossible. He sighs, almost dramatically, and watches his Mamuta cook.

The fire grows large; the Mamuta's stony features soften slightly to a more edible-looking shape. In joy – _at last, time to eat_ – he calls a group of Reds to pull his meal over to the ship, and promptly allows them to crawl back into the Onion.

Suddenly his eyes grow huge, as though they are threatening to pop out of his head. Oh, the _fire_… He's forgotten about it already, in his haste to get at the now edible Mamuta.

With a shudder, he closes his eyes and calms down momentarily, and he runs as though he's flying. Into the ship, _Wham!_ into a startled and disgruntled Olimar – he babbles about the fire, and Olimar could almost faint. Louie, with a satisfied smile, hurries his captain outside as he busies himself cutting up the Mamuta.

It smells divine, he realizes, pulling off his helmet, though the texture is rather hard. Louie grabs a small fork and cuts a small, bite-size piece to test. The dining utensil stabs into the rock-hard delicacy and brings it up to his mouth, tantalizing in its closeness.

And the flavourful food is savoured; Louie is reminded briefly of the taste of chicken – once his aunt had cooked the exotic dish when he was young… - but as he chews, he cannot bear to swallow.

His teeth grind on crumbling pieces of rock; gravelly in their texture. The Mamuta is falling apart in his mouth, but it's just rock, and that can't be right. He forces himself to swallow – he can't just _waste _the food, and immediately clutches his stomach, wincing in pain.

He thinks he's going to retch now – Mamutas are definitely inedible.


End file.
